The Importance of Social Skills
By Amy Coleman

Social Groups
One of the most common forms of social skills intervention is a social group. Social groups usually meet once a week. During the meeting, children explore one social skill or trait and learn to develop it within the context of the group setting. First the skill is role played, and then the children apply the skills in a safe environment. The ultimate goal is that, with practice and repetition, the skill finally transfers from the group session to home or school.

Gayle Born and Mary Jane Trotti of Parkaire Consultants collaboratively lead social skills groups. The groups are selected “very carefully” so that the children in those groups have similar skills. The ability to join a group is one of the skills on which the group works. The skill is demonstrated, and then the children are given the opportunity to apply the skill without the fear of getting it wrong. When children do get it wrong, however, Born and Trotti find these to be invaluable “teachable moments.” As Born explains, it allows an opportunity to help the child “analyze,” role play and “dissect” what went wrong.

For example, if a child attempted to join a group and was rejected, he could respond in several ways, including hitting, crying, screaming or retreating. Born calls these “hot” responses because the child hasn’t stopped to think through any alternative choices. Born and Trotti’s group goes beyond showing the skill and practicing it—their children learn how to deal with rejection, how to control their anger and how to stop and think before acting. These coping strategies are as important as the social skills taught in class. One of the easiest coping skills to teach children is “freeze.” Instead of hitting or yelling, they tell the child to just freeze. This allows the child to think through alternatives, apply breathing techniques and participate in positive self-talk.
Born and Trotti know when their program is working because they see progress in a child. Parents and teachers also comment that the child is making social progress in situations outside the group. Judy Norris, whose 11-year-old son Mitch has attended the social skills group at Parkaire for three years, is one such parent. Norris says just being able to sit in the group was a challenge at first for her son. Now, however, he has begun to participate in group discussions and activities. Recently, his grandmother took him to the park and he walked up to a group of kids and asked if he could play with them, Norris says. Mitch’s grandmother told Norris the kids played together for more than an hour, and even Mitch’s younger sister joined in. Some of the most important things Mitch learned in his social group, his mother says, are responding appropriately when someone tells him something he doesn’t want to hear, knowing how to join a group and knowing how to handle stress.

Despite such success stories, Born warns that social skills groups are not a quick fix. Some kids aren’t wired for social interaction, Born says, whether it’s eye contact, empathy or anger management. It’s important to realize, however, that these children can learn to compensate for these social deficits, Born says.

Recreational Therapy
Learning on the Log, a program that strives to engage children in activities while improving motor and communication skills, borrows principles from Greenspan’s Floortime and also incorporates social skills training and sensory integration (see related story, page 6). With locations in Atlanta, Decatur and Savannah, the program offers Saturday hikes, summer camps and after school activities for children ages 6 to 12.

This program begins by focusing on individual communication strategies. The children are given instructions and directions about upcoming tasks, and then they are asked to repeat the directions in their own words. Children also are encouraged to talk about things they have experienced. Once these skills begin to emerge, children usually begin participating in small group discussions. Eventually some are given leadership roles within the groups which help them develop positive self-esteem, says co-director Chris Zelski. The goal of the program is for students to be able to apply the social skills they’ve learned at home, at school or at the park.

“We know it’s working when we have a response from the child,” Zelski says. For example, on a Saturday hike some children are withdrawn at the beginning while others seem to be going 100 miles an hour. During the course of the hike, sensory exposure begins to give way, and the child might begin showing signs he is having fun and becoming more self-regulated. The child who was withdrawn begins to come out of his shell, and the child who was going so fast has slowed down a bit. Zelski says his program can help children become “calm, focused and alert.” Parents of children who participate provide feedback about better sleep patterns and improved sibling relationships, Zelski says.

Social Stories
Originally written by Carol Gray, Social Stories are often used to help children with autism. These stories, however, can be helpful for all children who struggle socially. Social Stories are short narratives about appropriate social behavior. They can be as simple as “how to greet people,” or as complex as “how to resolve a conflict without yelling or hitting.”

Social Stories give the child the ability to see both sides of social interaction played out on the pages. Children can then take what they have read or what has been read to them and apply it to similar situations at home, at school or in the community. Social Stories are easy to create using a word processing program or by simply putting pen to paper and cutting pictures from a magazine. Gray’s Web site, www.thegraycenter.org, provides information and ideas about using Social Stories.

Role Playing
When done properly, role playing can be an effective tool for teaching proper social skills. Special education teacher Carol Holbrook, who also has a background as a speech-language pathologist, and paraprofessional Anjum Merchant work together in a Gwinnett County kindergarten serving 5-to-7-year-olds with speech and language difficulties. Holbrook says that sometimes this is a child’s first experience in a school setting, and social problems arise because of a lack of “self control” or an inability to understand the rules and structure of the classroom.

In the beginning, the teachers talked to the children about making good choices, but talking about the problem did not help change the behaviors they were seeing. After role playing a few situations, such as the proper way to stand in line and asking rather than snatching, the teachers began to notice a change. Role playing has now become common in their classroom. Role playing can be proactive, where teachers show children how to line up at the door, or reactive, where they replay an incident that occurred earlier in the day. In both cases the children are given an opportunity to comment on what they’ve seen. Holbrook and Merchant have found that the children, even those who rarely raise their hand in class, have a lot to say about role playing.

No matter which intervention parents chose to help address their child’s social struggles, experts say they should not expect overnight improvement. “It is important to remember that children with learning problems often require intensive instruction, guidance and assistance to master social skills,” Lavoie writes in his book. But, if better social skills translate to happiness and improved self-esteem, the investment is worth it. The rewards can last a lifetime.

Amy Coleman is the mother of two children, including one with learning challenges. She leads a parent support group in Duluth and is a member of Families of Children Under Stress and the Learning Disabilities Association of Georgia.